.....
Why do I feel... empty, hollow and alone?
When I'm surrounded by friends,
Whom I thought... knew, ready to cheer me up.
Why do I have to act as if everything's okay?
That I'm alright?
Why do I have to show them that I'm fine...
When I'm not?


Why do I feel like I'm wearing a mask,
a mask that hides the real me?


When in truth, I've always felt like this for such a long time.
It has been a long time since I had a glimpse of the real me,
I'm starting to think it was a dream...
A dream that has never happened.

Why can't I see myself in the future?
Why do I feel like that I don't have a good future?
Why do I feel like my life sucks? Is this it?
Am I forever doomed to feel like this?

Why am I crying?

Have you ever felt like you could move on
and forget the one you have always loved?
Then find out that you could never break your hobby of jumping up and down.
And feeling cold all of a sudden every time you see him/her?

I wish that this feeling would just go away.
I feel like I wouldn't be able to move on...
THAT I WOULD BE STUCK LIKE THIS.


WHY CAN'T I MOVE ON???


Is it because deep inside that I want this feeling to stay?
So I would have something to look back when I'm old?


I've always tried to move on...
Everyday...
Every time I see him with his new girl...
I'm reminded: he doesn't love you anymore.
Not now, not in the future... NOT EVER.
NOT LIKE YOU DO...
NOT AS YOU WOULD LIKE HIM TO.

Why does it have to be like this?

Why do I feel like I can't describe how I feel...
That this hasn't put justice to what I've always wanted to say?

I'm not crying because of my hopeless love life.
I'm crying because of everything.
It's kind of funny, especially when I'm trying to cry...
Just to release the hurt and rejection I'm feeling.

I would be quiet for a while...
Then cry my heart out.
After that, my mind would wander to other things in my life...
And I would cry harder.

But I would stop...
concentrate...


"Cry for him alone until you're numb... Maybe you'd forget him and move on."



Is this why I'm not tired of crying...
and wasting my tears on him?



You think so?